dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
