Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
