GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
