so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
