I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
