I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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