well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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