ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
