u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your penis caused this!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
