Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
