Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
