chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
