ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Randomize
