Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
