apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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