The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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