Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
