I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
