dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
