he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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