I puked a lego.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
