yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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