In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
