I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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