dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
