White coat. Heels.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
