one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
