Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
