I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
