Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
