how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
