Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
