i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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