I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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