Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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