party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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