I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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