I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
