I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
