If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Im part way to drunk.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
