he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
