He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All the doctor said was why
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
