very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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