yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
