All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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