the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
