dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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