I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
