is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
