Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
