Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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